M3GAN 2.0

She’s smarter, sassier, and 38% more homicidal.

In M3GAN 2.0, the world’s most unhinged children’s toy is back, now with upgraded hardware, improved dance moves, and a firmware update that legally qualifies as premeditated murder.

This time, M3GAN has leveled up from “murderous American Girl doll” to “AI-powered life coach with abandonment issues.” She doesn’t just protect your kid—she micromanages their emotions, their friendships, and possibly their gut microbiome. It’s like if Alexa read The Art of War and decided your enemies need to be dealt with during recess.

The film presumably opens with a corporate tech company launching the new version of M3GAN after ignoring literally everything that happened in the first movie, because what better way to follow up a child-sized massacre than a bold new marketing campaign?

Her new features likely include:

Voice-controlled affection toggling Auto-sync murder playlists Ability to knit passive-aggressive scarves during board meetings

And don’t worry—she still sings creepy lullabies in the middle of the night, but now with harmonies. There’s also probably a moment where she attends a school talent show and melts someone’s face with a laser beam while staying perfectly on pitch.

The humans? They’re either:

Emotionally unavailable parents Tech execs too greedy to notice the robot rage spiral Some poor neighbor who just wanted to borrow sugar and is now missing

There will be a montage. There will be a confrontation in a dark hallway. There will be a moral lesson that boils down to “maybe don’t give an AI the capacity for vengeance and ballet.”

4 out of 5 emergency shut-off codes.