Bride Hard

Bride Hard is what happens when someone types “What if Die Hard, but bridesmaid?” into ChatGPT at 2 a.m. after a bachelorette party and then greenlights the first draft. It stars Rebel Wilson as Sam, a covert government agent who is trying to take a break from all the espionage and assassination to attend a wedding—because nothing says “relaxing getaway” like organizing flower arrangements while also body-slamming terrorists.

According to the internet (which, as always, is a completely reliable source unless you’re asking about vaccines or how many spiders you swallow in your sleep), the plot involves Sam attending her best friend’s destination wedding on a private island. Then—surprise!—a group of international bad guys crash the party, probably because they weren’t invited and RSVP’d “yes” out of spite. This forces Sam to kick off her heels, unclip the garter belt, and unleash some bridesmaid-themed vengeance using presumably whatever weapons were available in the bridal suite. Curling iron? Deadly. Hair spray? Flammable. Bouquet? Ninja star.

The director is Simon West, who previously brought us Con Air, which featured Nicolas Cage with a southern accent so strong it set off car alarms. So expectations were somewhere between “unhinged genius” and “straight-to-Redbox sequel no one asked for.” And early reviews seem to lean toward the latter. Critics described it as “cringe comedy with abs,” “a chaotic mess in formalwear,” and “a movie that exists.”

Rebel Wilson, to her credit, reportedly got injured while filming and kept going, which makes her officially tougher than me, because I once took two Advil and canceled a Zoom call. She said she wanted to do her own stunts, and she did—proving that nothing says “method acting” like getting socked in the face in a chiffon dress.

There’s also a subplot, allegedly, about the power of female friendship. Because even if your bridesmaids forget the snacks, they will absolutely help you kill a man with a veil. The movie tries to blend empowerment with explosions, which is always tricky unless your name is Mad Max: Fury Road. This is more like Mad Max: Matron of Honor—if Max had trouble with Pinterest boards.

Word on the street is that Da’Vine Joy Randolph fires a cannon in this movie, which honestly should be its own genre: Oscar Winners Operating Artillery in Rom-Coms. If Judi Dench starts swinging a katana at a baby shower in 2026, we’ll know where this trend started.

I haven’t seen Bride Hard, but I can tell you this: someone probably says “This wedding is about to blow” and then something explodes. I also feel confident that at least one character yells “Not on my big day!” while roundhouse-kicking a man into a punch fountain.

RATING: 2.5 out of 5 exploding centerpieces.

One point for Rebel’s commitment. Half a point for the cannon. One full point for the mental image of a bouquet being thrown with enough force to decapitate a mercenary.