Category: Action

Jurassic World: Rebirth is the latest attempt to wring one more gallon of box office juice out of the prehistoric cash cow, and this time it’s personal. And pharmaceutical. The plot revolves around a sleek corporate team—led by Scarlett Johansson’s character Zora Bennett—who land on yet another uncharted dinosaur island, not to run a theme park, but to harvest dino DNA for what they call “the next evolution of medicine.” Because apparently we’ve exhausted all other sources of stem cells and this was the only option left.

Naturally, things go sideways faster than a raptor in tall grass. A new creature—the Distortus rex, presumably named after a SoundCloud EDM artist—shows up and immediately starts violating every law of science, nature, and subtlety. Mahershala Ali broods. Jonathan Bailey runs from something. And at one point, Jeff Goldblum shows up via hologram (or maybe just vibes) to deliver a half-muttered warning like, “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they forgot this script was already written six times.”

Despite marketing promises of “practical effects” and “returning to our roots,” most of the dinos look like they were rendered by someone trying to meet a Tuesday deadline with a melted GPU. There’s also a subplot involving emotional raptors, ethical debates, and a surprisingly moving scene with a triceratops in a lab coat—though that may have been a TikTok I watched by mistake.

I haven’t seen it, but I’ve definitely seen enough to know that nature will always find a way… to make us pay $17 for popcorn while rewatching the same dinosaur chase scene with a different color palette.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Goldblum Glitches

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning is the eighth installment in the franchise, and it boldly asks: “What if Ethan Hunt’s greatest enemy was… his own screen time?” Clocking in at nearly three hours, this film challenges audiences to endure a marathon of action sequences, plot twists, and Tom Cruise’s unwavering intensity.

In this chapter, Ethan Hunt faces off against “The Entity,” a rogue AI that has decided the best way to achieve world domination is by confusing everyone with convoluted exposition. The plot, as far as I can tell, involves a submarine, a key that unlocks something important, and a series of increasingly improbable stunts that defy both physics and common sense.

Tom Cruise, ever the daredevil, reportedly performed all his own stunts, including hanging from a biplane, diving into the ocean from an aircraft carrier, and outrunning his own mortality. At 62, Cruise continues to push the boundaries of what’s possible—or advisable—for an action hero.

The supporting cast includes franchise regulars like Ving Rhames and Simon Pegg, who provide comic relief and technobabble, respectively. Newcomers like Nick Offerman and Hannah Waddingham add gravitas and a touch of British sarcasm to the proceedings.

Despite its bloated runtime and labyrinthine plot, The Final Reckoning delivers the high-octane thrills fans have come to expect. I haven’t seen it, but based on the trailers and Cruise’s track record, it’s safe to assume that Ethan Hunt saves the world—again—just in time for the credits to roll.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 self-destructing messages

Ben Affleck returns as Christian Wolff, the world’s deadliest math guy, and this time… he’s not just balancing books. He’s balancing revenge, trauma, and an emotionally distant service dog named Turbo.

In The Accountant 2, Christian is lured back into the spreadsheet underworld when his favorite calculator is stolen by an underground AI tax syndicate known only as “The Deductibles.” With the IRS, the CIA, and possibly the FDA chasing him, he’s forced to confront his past, his accountant ethics, and his limited social battery.

Anna Kendrick reappears for exactly 45 seconds in a Zoom cameo labeled “Love Interest.exe,” while Jon Bernthal plays his long-lost brother who now runs an Excel cult in the Nevada desert.

The film is equal parts intense action and QuickBooks walkthrough. At one point, Christian engages in a gunfight while explaining amortization. The climax takes place in a data center where a USB drive labeled “Receipts_2017_FINAL_REAL_v2_FOR_REAL” threatens to unravel a global conspiracy involving cryptocurrency, baking soda, and the ghost of Enron.

The entire third act is shot in grayscale, for no reason.

Critics are calling it “John Wick for accountants” and “a movie that technically exists.”

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 emotionally repressed spreadsheets

“When the CIA says no, just blackmail them.”

In The Amateur, Rami Malek portrays Charlie Heller, a CIA codebreaker who transitions from decoding messages to delivering vengeance. After his wife is tragically killed in a terrorist attack, Heller leverages classified information to coerce the CIA into training him as an operative, embarking on a globe-trotting mission of retribution.

The film attempts to blend the cerebral with the explosive, offering a protagonist who is as adept with algorithms as he is with armaments. However, the transformation from desk-bound analyst to international assassin stretches plausibility, even within the elastic boundaries of spy thrillers.

Director James Hawes crafts a narrative that oscillates between introspective moments and high-octane action sequences. While the film boasts a stellar supporting cast—including Laurence Fishburne as a seasoned mentor and Michael Stuhlbarg as the enigmatic antagonist—the character development often takes a backseat to the plot’s machinations.

Critics have noted the film’s uneven pacing and tonal inconsistencies. As one reviewer aptly put it, “The Amateur isn’t just dry. It’s embalmed. It is the spy thriller you give your dad when he’s too tired for Tinker Tailor but not drunk enough for Taken.”

Despite its shortcomings, The Amateur offers moments of intrigue and tension, particularly in its climactic sequences. Yet, it leaves viewers pondering whether the film’s title refers to its protagonist’s espionage experience or the execution of the narrative itself.

2 out of 5 Password Resets