Mirror, Mirror on the Wall—Why Is This Movie Two Hours Long?
Disney is back at it again, remaking a beloved classic because apparently the vault needs more Wi-Fi. Snow White (2025) is a bold, modern reimagining of the original 1937 film, in the same way that using kale instead of bread is a bold, modern reimagining of a sandwich.
This version stars a very earnest Snow White who, despite being named after frozen precipitation, is somehow still a symbol of inner fire, personal growth, and possibly corporate brand alignment. The trailer makes it clear that she no longer just “cleans stuff and talks to animals,” which was the original résumé. Now she’s here to lead a kingdom, break glass ceilings, and possibly drop a three-part empowerment album featuring Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Let’s talk about the Evil Queen, who once again is the kind of stepmother who would absolutely write passive-aggressive Facebook posts in cursive font. She wants to be “the fairest of them all,” even though it’s 2025 and we all know that beauty is a social construct monitored by an algorithm.
Also: the magic mirror now talks like a sentient iPad and probably has a Disney+ subscription.
The dwarfs—sorry, “mystical forest companions” or whatever legal term they’re using—have been reimagined too. They no longer mine gems (bad for the environment), but instead run a gluten-free bakery and a trauma-informed axe-throwing retreat. One of them is named Kyle now. You just know it.
Expect the usual: musical numbers where everyone sings in perfect harmony while carrying buckets of water, animals that somehow know choreography, and a third-act twist where true love is redefined as “learning to love yourself (with backup vocals).”
The prince? He’s still here, but mostly just to look confused and support her Etsy business. And the apple? Probably organic and ethically sourced from Whole Foods with a poison gluten-free sticker on it.
In conclusion, this isn’t your grandmother’s Snow White. It’s not even your older cousin’s Snow White. It’s a cinematic TED Talk on empowerment, forest co-habitation, and the dangers of reflective surfaces.
I give it 3 out of 5 talking woodland creatures, with a bonus point if someone actually eats the apple without doing a whole monologue about self-acceptance first.
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